2011

Let's just skip over the fact that I've totally neglected my blog (again) and get right to the good stuff. Last year about this time I posted a list of memories from 2010 and I think this should be a tradition of mine.

Finishing school
"secret" interviews
Getting my Mazda fix, FINALLY...
then wrecking it again
"Just sayin..."
Adele
A dog named Hercules
Teaching a friend how to order a virgin drink....
... then watching her order a "virgin sex on the beach"
Transformers at Midnight
Don't You Wanna Stay - Jason Aldean/Kelly Clarkson
Wrecking my Mazda again.
Learning that Craftsman is THE BEST brand of tool
Christmas Party at the Grand America
My first kiss under the mistletoe
Being named an honorary Mexican
"Nailed it!"
Keith dropping the chili just like Kevin on the office
Moving to Sandy
Buying my sexy new Elantra
Keys on Main
Just A Kiss - Lady Antebellum
Starting a new job
Girls trip to St. George
Volleyball
Texas Roadhouse
Lashes
Kelly Clarkson
Learning how many Whoppers I can fit in my mouth
My first Christmas tree
Thriller - Michael Jackson
What Women Want Show
"Aunt Jessie.... I yuv you"
Crime scene cubicle
Bee's games
Learning to let go
The stripper pole
Creating a honey-do list
Locking myself in a mentholated hot box and getting sick anyways
Carving pumpkins
Panda Express
Davis High Football
Hanging out at Murdock Hyundai
Trying to teach a 3 year old how to play Hide and Seek... and failing due to giggles
IKEA
Learning to trust again
Creating a more cuddle friendly LoveSac
Learning to french braid my own hair
Falling in Love

It has been an amazing year and I am SO grateful for all the people who have come in and out of my life. One of THE MOST important things I have learned (or re-learned) this year is that my Father in Heaven loves me and is very aware of me and my needs and struggles. There have been so many little moments of tender mercy and love. I have had so many prayers answered, some in ways I didn't expect but all in ways I needed. I have become closer with my family. I have made new friends. I have let go of old friends. I have seen heartache. I have had love. I AM SO BLESSED.

Thank you all for being a part of my life!

Fun lately

It's been a fun, busy week! I'm super excited that Halloween is getting closer and I promised I would keep all 5 of my readers updated on those adventures so... here we go.

Update on the Cubicle
We are making excellent progress on our crime scene. It has turned into a kind of interactive display... people walk up and say "you know, you should do this..." and usually we accommodate. One of my favorite suggestions (that I'm ashamed to say I didn't think of before this) was some bullet casings. Problem is... I still don't own a gun despite the fact that it's been on my new year's resolutions list for the past 3 years or so. Luckily I know a cowboy that frequently talks about and carries guns so a quick call and trip later and I had some shot gun shells and a few 9mm casings. WE ARE SO GOING TO WIN THIS CONTEST :)

Sorry the pictures aren't great... I had to sneak them. No cameras allowed at work. Another interesting development, one of our attorneys is a little freaked out at the "chalk" outline and is very careful about stepping on him. Even named him Phil.

Halloween Costume
I'm totally lame at remembering to take pictures but I got to reveal my costume at the Stake YSA Halloween Carnival and it was AMAZING. I put together a 80s era Rogue X-Men costume and I totally love it. Promise I'll get pictures eventually.

Halloween Carnival
Speaking of the carnival... I don't remember if I mentioned that I was one of the 3 in charge of that project and MAN! I am SO glad that is finally over. My ward planned a flash mob of the thriller dance that was a big hit it was a blast. I was very impressed with some of the Halloween costumes! Sadly, this year was no except to some weird guy using the costume to hit on me... "I was going to be Gambit, no joke. That would have meant we were boyfriend and girlfriend. *Creepy Smile*" EVERY YEAR! Moving on....

Pumpkins!
In a desperate attempt at avoiding a haunted house I suggested pumpkin carving and really... I'm a genius. We had so much fun picking out and carving pumpkins. I'm a little ashamed at my lack of creativity but I didn't have much time to plan so also keep an eye out for a more exciting creation sometime this week.

And you have to see the side shot of Steve's pumpkin... poor thing's amazing stem broke in the back of the truck but we put it to good use.

Stay tuned for more Halloween adventures!

Creativity

Anxiety is part of creativity, the need to get something out, the need to be rid of something or to get in touch with something within. 

I found this quote and it struck a cord. A lot of my posts lately have mentioned or implied stress and anxiety... understandable, I think, with all the changes in my life. It's all self imposed but there has definitely been some anxiety. I read this though and it just makes sense.

Over the past 6 months or so I've felt this weird surge of creativity.
I say weird because, let's be honest, I'm a left brain person. I'll be the first to admit that.
I'm a nerd.
A science geek.
I have a weirdly retentive memory.
I rarely do anything creative. Well, I rarely FINISH anything creative.
I usually give up half way through when I run out of creativity juices. If I even make it half way.
I see my friends post things that usually go something like this "This inspired me and this is what I came up with." I'm 100% amazed 100% of the time.

But lately... I have this weird urge to create.

I've wanted to do sowing projects. I've done crafts. I've learned how to make little cutesy things. I painted my bedroom... with an accent wall. Actually the entire vision for my room has come together. My bedspread matches the walls, and accessories, and there's even a painting on the wall. I'm going all out decorating my cubicle for Halloween (and while one could argue it isn't creative because I'm drawing from my nerdy science side for inspiration... it is actually creative!) I've taken more pictures. I've followed through.

The point is... it feels really good. It feels good to FINISH something, and, even when it isn't perfect, be able to look at it and go "Hey, I made that. I'm awesome!"

I may even have the courage to dig out my old unfinished T-shirt quilt and finally sow it all together. Just in time for winter :)

CSI

So I post A LOT about my  job. What can I say? I like it. It is interesting. I like the people I work with. It's a CONSTANT challenge. AND we get incentives :)

This month, thanks to some amazing fellow Halloween lovers, the incentives are less work related and more holiday related. We are having a pumpkin carving contest, a costume contest, and a cubicle decorating contest.

Costume contest, in the bag thanks to an amazing group costume idea that I'm totally stoked about
Pumpkin carving, one of my most unusual but awesome talents
Cubicle decorating... ?

I share a double cubicle with my team leader. Which is awesome because we have a lot of space, and we get a long great. Last week everyone started putting up decorations (aka spiderwebs). There's skull light strings, and fake spiders, and cutesy little pumpkins and candy corns. Fermina and I just didn't want to follow the crowd, so we brainstormed and... LIGHT BULB.

Over the next few days our cubicle will slowly transform into an active crime scene! As of now we have clearly marked the crime scene with yellow tape and have a chalk (or masking tape) outline of a body. Soon to come, evidence markers and bags, a weapon, fingerprints, and BLOOD!

Can you tell I'm excited. Everyone has already started commenting on our creativity and we are having a lot of fun.

The only downside, it has made me a little nostalgic. I miss the nerdy lab work and puzzling out a tricky fingerprint or two .... or ten. I pulled out all of my old school work to flip through for ideas, and it made me excited. Maybe finishing up my degree is still in the future for me (as scary a thought as that is), maybe it isn't but it has been SO MUCH FUN to pull out some of that old knowledge and flaunt it a little bit. I think I'll go look at some fingerprints (NERD!!)

Pictures to come!

<3

I'm Back

It's been awhile....

I had some friends that dropped out of the blogging scene when they starting dating amazing guys.
That's not what happened to me... just to clear the air.

Things got (and still are) very busy. It's been a good busy though.

I guess the busy has just taken up so much though that my usual ramblings don't ever have time to condense into something worth writing. For awhile there I had a WHOLE LOT and now we're just back to the routine of things. It's a happy "driving on with cruise control" kind of feeling (even if the speed feels like its set at 100 MPH) Sure there are the bumps in the road but I feel like I've left the rock slide behind me and now I'm just zippin along.

Things to look forward to (and that will provide plenty of material to blog about)

Halloween - including an amazing costume in the works, Halloween carnival planned by yours truly (complete with what will prove to be at least what should prove to be a shining moment in Halloween Festivity History --- video to come), Halloween Party (also hosting), decorating, playing, carving pumpkins, candy etc etc.

Weddings and Baby Showers

Big changes at work

Mini vacation next month

New books and movies and music

I'm going to get back into the swing of my blog so --- don't disappear dear friends. I'm back.

Unwinding

This week has been a tough one. Luckily it has gone by really fast! My parents decided they needed to go to Hawaii for some unknown reason and asked me to stay with my 16 yr old brother Collin to keep him company and make sure he feeds himself. My mom offered me gas money and access to her food so I can't really say that's a bad deal, but an extra 30- 40 minute commute in the morning reminded me why I moved to Sandy.

I've taken on a lot lately and I'm still adjusting to some changes.... but maybe this week's exhaustion was really only because I'm not even near the realm of "morning person". Who knows.... but like I said, tough.

I came home (to my parents') today knowing I had the night off. BUT step one, clean the kitchen. Done. Quite thoroughly I might add. Step two, got check the garden, which I have neglected all week. Needless to say there was a GIANT zucchini and about a billion tomatoes (Ooops). Step three... food. So I sat for a minute staring at a billion tomatoes. TOMATO SOUP!

So... here I am an hour and 1/2 since I walked in the door. The kitchen is clean. There is a delicious smelling MADE FROM SCRATCH soup simmering on the stove. I ran to Harmon's for some delicious looking bread that is about to be turned into a nice melty grilled cheese sandwich (I gotta say... grilled cheese is somewhat of a specialty) and I feel REALLY good about myself.

Yes, I'm still exhausted. Yes, I plan on eating then turning on the most boring looking movie I could find at Redbox (The Conspirator) and promptly falling into a semi-comatose state. YES, I'm totally impressed with myself. (Yes, I'm awesome). Yes, you can tell I'm tired. BIGGEST YES OF ALL... I have achieved enough in the last hour to unwind and feel marginally better about my more than marginally crappy week.

Like I said, I'm awesome :)

Never Forget

9/11 destruction allowed us to spiritually rebuild

By Thomas S. Monson

Badge from fire helmet discovered in the debris post 9/11/01. (Ira Block)The calamity of September 11th, 2001 has cast a long shadow. Ten years later, many of us are still haunted by its terrible tragedy of lost lives and broken hearts. It is an episode of anguish that has become a defining moment in the history of the American nation and the world. This week, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, along with Tom Brokaw, will pay its own homage to the unforgettable events of September 11, 2001.

There was, as many have noted, a remarkable surge of faith following the tragedy. People across the United States rediscovered the need for God and turned to Him for solace and understanding. Comfortable times were shattered. We felt the great unsteadiness of life and reached for the great steadiness of our Father in Heaven. And, as ever, we found it. Americans of all faiths came together in a remarkable way.

Sadly, it seems that much of that renewal of faith has waned in the years that have followed. Healing has come with time, but so has indifference. We forget how vulnerable and sorrowful we felt. Our sorrow moved us to remember the deep purposes of our lives. The darkness of our despair brought us a moment of enlightenment. But we are forgetful. When the depth of grief has passed, its lessons often pass from our minds and hearts as well.

Our Father’s commitment to us, His children, is unwavering. Indeed He softens the winters of our lives, but He also brightens our summers. Whether it is the best of times or the worst, He is with us. He has promised us that this will never change.

But we are less faithful than He is. By nature we are vain, frail, and foolish. We sometimes neglect God. Sometimes we fail to keep the commandments that He gives us to make us happy. Sometimes we fail to commune with Him in prayer. Sometimes we forget to succor the poor and the downtrodden who are also His children. And our forgetfulness is very much to our detriment.

If there is a spiritual lesson to be learned from our experience of that fateful day, it may be that we owe to God the same faithfulness that He gives to us. We should strive for steadiness, and for a commitment to God that does not ebb and flow with the years or the crises of our lives. It should not require tragedy for us to remember Him, and we should not be compelled to humility before giving Him our faith and trust. We too should be with Him in every season.

The way to be with God in every season is to strive to be near Him every week and each day. We truly “need Him every hour,” not just in hours of devastation. We must speak to Him, listen to Him, and serve Him. If we wish to serve Him, we should serve our fellow men. We will mourn the lives we lose, but we should also fix the lives that can be mended and heal the hearts that may yet be healed.

It is constancy that God would have from us. Tragedies are not merely opportunities to give Him a fleeting thought, or for momentary insight to His plan for our happiness. Destruction allows us to rebuild our lives in the way He teaches us, and to become something different than we were. We can make Him the center of our thoughts and His Son, Jesus Christ, the pattern for our behavior. We may not only find faith in God in our sorrow. We may also become faithful to Him in times of calm.

Thomas S. Monson is president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

This article was copied from the Washington Post. There are articles there written by leaders of many faiths that are amazing as well. Go read them and remember. As you remember the sadness and tragedy, remember the hope and love that surrounded that time. Remember the heroes. Remember the sense of unity. Most importantly, remember YOUR faith. Remember to have hope and courage. 

I know that I forget those things... constantly. I look back on 9/11 and I want to be better.

What better time is there to remember and try again? 

<3

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?

I had a conversation about this with a co-worker this week and now here I am, Saturday Morning of a long weekend, sleepy-eyed with a bowl of cereal and the only thing I need is some Saturday Morning Cartoons.

WHAT HAPPENED TO SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS?!

I'm talking Animaniacs, Pinky and The Brain, X-Men, TMNT. If I turned on the TV right now I'd get some 10th generation power rangers ninja force garbage. Good thing I don't have a TV. But really... what happened to a good Saturday Morning line-up? What do Mom's do with their kids for 3 hours instead of letting them slowly wake up to Yako, Wako, and Dot singing the countries of the world, or Pinky and the Brain failing yet again at taking over the world. And the poor children!

I'm lucky enough to have Pinky and the Brain on DVD and access to old school cartoons and Netflix, but what do kids even watch these days?

This may be another one of those times you're thinking I'm a complete dork, but just in case you've forgotten how it feels to watch cartoons 1/2 asleep on Saturday Morning....



See, you just got excited didn't you.

The New Whip

I am now taking suggestions for names...

I've decided she's a she.

So far we have Vikki and Lucy in the pool.

PS I LOVE THIS NEW CAR. I wasn't sure that she'd be worth all the brain damage this week but...

she is.

Handing Out Smiles

Today I made a quick run to Wal-mart for just a few things. No hurry, no need to.

It wasn't busy but the lines were long and I thought I'd hit the jackpot when I found a line with just one lady and only a few things left on the belt. Turns out she had a million coupons and did NOT want the items that the coupons didn't work on. I worked as a checker for awhile and let me just say; I was very impressed with the girl at the checkout for being so patient. And like I said, I was in no rush and just shrugged it off as people loaded their few things, realized this was going to take awhile, packed back up and left.

With just a few hundred coupons left and one man packing up his stuff, an old man rolled up in a motorized cart filled mostly with a bag of wood chips, and maybe 5 other things. I knew I had a minute so I thought I'd offer to help to unload his cart so he wouldn't have to get up, awkwardly reach around things to put them on the belt, sit back down and pull forward.

He was so sweet and gracious and as I finished I saw him fishing around in his shirt pocket. I went totally red as he said "You've earned a reward". I didn't want a reward. I was just helping out and it is so embarrassing to me when you get a pushy old person trying to hand you a few dollars for nothing more than passing the time waiting in the grocery line.

"Oh no, please, you don't owe me anything."
"Just wait and see what it is" He had a little bit of an exasperated tone that almost made me laugh, but instead made me blush even more.... this is what he pulls out...

He hands me these one at a time and says "Here's a new washer... and dryer... for your help. One year warranty even... but I won't tell you my name *wink*"

I laughed out loud and said thank you. 

Then he told me that he and his wife (for whom he was buying a dozen roses which I find adorable) had handed out over 9000 of these little gifts just to make people smile... which I did. 

I'm not sure why but I was SO TOUCHED at that little gesture. This week has been a stressing one. I'm tired and very ready for the weekend. In thinking about the week... I haven't smiled much, and if I have, the smiles are far out numbered by tears. It a little disturbing that I can't think of one good, genuine, can't help it smile all week. It's Thursday! But that is exactly what this cute old man gave me. Me and 8999+ other people. A genuine laugh and smile. 

Just goes to show that it doesn't take much to hand out a smile and make someone's day.

Brain Damage

In the words of a Burt... THIS WEEK HAS BEEN TOTAL BRAIN DAMAGE.

Good things are coming of it, but still.

I am no longer the owner of a beautiful Mazda 3 Hatchback named Penelope.

I am no longer the owner of any car actually.

I sold my car at a great price. Did what is called an in-and-out at the dealership to get another great deal. Looking for a car at Murdock Hyundai, where my brother works and my dad knows the owner... another great deal.

Somewhere in the western United States is a white or red 2011 Hyundai Elantra with my name on it. I'm just not sure where, nor is the dealership. BRAIN DAMAGE. Don't get me wrong. I'm excited. Sleek looking new car. All of the features I want. Better price than I was expecting. Automatic so my arm should feel a little better (added to the snazzy new keyboard at work and maybe I can avoid getting cut up after all)

I'm having a little postpartum depression. I loved my jinxed little Penelope....

Don't worry, I bought some ice cream on my way home.

Now to wait... and think of a name for the new whip.

Right at my Fingertips

I have an iPhone. I love it for many MANY reasons. I can play games, google things, watch movies and TV, check the weather, read a book, download and listen to music, check my bank account, make a shopping list, and SO MUCH MORE.

I also have the LDS app "Gospel Library". I have a full set of scriptures, the hymn book, and any manual or church magazine right there on my phone's screen. I can access it whenever and where ever I want. I can mark things, link verses, add tags and notes and then I can sign on to LDS.org and see it all transferred there. I used to carry around this GINORMOUS church bag on Sundays and now I just make sure I grab my phone.

I've had this awesome resource for a few months now and just this week it hit me how amazing it really is. Maybe because it's been a bit of an emotional week. I had a good long talk about life with my bishop. I found myself pulling up conference talks and scriptures in the hallway at work, waiting for my eye doctor appointment, and sitting in the parking lot at Wal-mart even. I know it shouldn't make a difference, but it just seemed so hard to pull out scriptures or an Ensign in public places, but now... for all anyone else knows I'm just very concentrated on a game of Fruit Ninja.

On top of all of that... my phone gives me access to amazing friends that support and comfort me. 

Sometimes I feel like cell phones are a problem bordering on addiction, but this week I have felt very blessed to have so much right at my fingertips.

Monday

First, excuse my tired rantings from yesterday... but that honestly really bugs. Idk that it bugs enough to post it for the whole world to see but I'm not one to delete posts.

Moving on.

Today was a "MONDAY". Don't get me wrong here, I've had plenty of "MONDAYS" but oh wow. Sure, in high school there were those days where you had a ton of homework and it all seemed super important and stressful and like you were walking around like one of those little goblin things on Labyrinth with a TON of stuff on top of you. Ya know...

...this thing.

But it was high school. I never really thought homework was super important so even the big stuff was no big deal. A line of thinking that meant I never really did homework...

Sure I get stressed about deadlines, and often make things out to be more important than they actually are, but it was a little shocking to realize that today was really one of THOSE MONDAYS.

Today was a Monday where I seriously wished at 3PM that it was only noon so I could have more time to do things. That seems crazy, but 1/3 of my team at work is missing. I'm trying to keep up with everything... and I'm really doing fine, but it all seems so important. I was trying to answer 15 emails at once, finish entering the pile of attorney mail, get the right deadlines on all of the pleadings so cases won't drop (or so that we don't get sued), I am supposed to be writing a wiki page, typing up discovery, AND fixing my huge mix-up from church yesterday. All using a new ergonomic totally weird/awesome keyboard that slows me down, but again, is awesome (The keyboard was THE most exciting part of my day, btw. I know NERD.)

Surprisingly, I'm not grumpy... I don't even feel like I'm whining... Just one of those "when did I become a grown up" moments I guess. It hits pretty hard sometimes... I just sit and wonder where the heck high school went.

Luckily I've had A LOT of practice with what will now be referred to as mini-Mondays and I know EXACTLY how to handle this.

Diet Coke.

Carbs for dinner.

Awesome movie.

Off to some outdoor FHE.

Later, hit the McD drive-thru for a $1 ice cream cone (and maybe another Diet Coke).

Bubble bath....

and BRING ON TUESDAY!

Bad Guys

Just a short post to pose a question....

WHY do people drive around with this on their cars?

This might come off as slightly nerdy but HELLO!!! This is a Decepticon! They are the bad guys. You know the tyranical, power mad, want to overthrow the Earth side of things? Bad guys.

Call me weird or dorky or whatever but this is a pet peeve of mine. Why not just put a sticker on your car that says, "Hi, I'm a douche"? And on that note... I've seen stickers that pretty much do say that... WHY?!

On the flip side... those little stick figure family stickers.... those bug me too. And stupid bumper stickers all over. And those Calvin peeing on things stickers.

Come on people!

Alright, I'm done ranting.

Cut Me Open

No really... that's what they want to do!

I complain quite frequently. I just like to whine. I find it cleansing.

Most of the time I whine about my emotional problems, struggles, moods, etc etc.... As you well know if you frequent my blog.

It's quite the opposite when it comes to physical pain. Idk what it is but pain just doesn't matter to me. It is something that can be pushed through and dealt with. Oh sure I whine about it (we've covered this already) but I don't ever really do much about it. I just push on through. I learned that pretty early. I injured my knee at 11 and found myself scooting on my butt down the stairs. I hated having to do that and give in to that. Ever since then I just don't mention my knee much. I joke about it aching when it rains (which it actually does) and you may occasionally see me walk with a slight limp, but it isn't worth mentioning really. It isn't interesting and it's slightly embarrassing for me to admit when pain is getting the better of me. But here I go....

This time it's my arm, not my knee (my goodness I'm falling apart!) I've done my best to ignore it. Mostly because I dislike doctors. A doctor's visit just feels like sitting next to the kid that likes to poke bruises. "Does this hurt?" "UM YEAH! HELLO! I just told you that hurts!" I finally went to the doctor about a year ago for this arm issue. It's kind of a big deal when your fingers are tingly all the time right? And when the tingle turns to an ache... and that ache travels up your arm... then wakes you up at night... and forces you to wear an embarrassing brace to work just to make it through the day... yep, it's time to suck it up and see the doctor.

Last time he put me on a monster anti-inflammatory and it worked really well for awhile. I was hoping for something along the same lines. Nope, not this time. "Keep doing what you're doing to treat it non-invasively. Anti-inflammatories have their own set of issues, so take something only when you feel like you need it. When it gets to the point that you can't stand it any more, it's a simple enough surgery."

In my head I'm thinking... duh I can't stand it any more. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE! Oh.... crap....

Obviously there is no rush or emergency in this. I convince myself that I can avoid that route a few times a day... then the tingly turned burning aching comes back and... Oh... crap.

I guess they're going to get to cut me open after all. I'm terrified. Having nightmares terrified.

Slightly paranoid + already hurting + total chicken =/= Good happy thoughts.

Not sure when this will be happening but I've pretty much decided that it will be eventually... probably soon.

Any encouragement or reassurance would be appreciated.

<3

Theme Song

I have a lot of these but let's just add this one to the list.

Marching On - OneRepublic

If you have the chance... check out the Timbaland version.

Amazing.

Goes right a lot with my motto.... which is why I love music.... some people just say it (sing it) better.

Life is Short

There have been some things happen lately that have made me really think about mortality. These things make me think of other times that I've been overwhelmed by this, and then it all really comes crashing in.

This weekend I heard that Cameron's (my brother in law) brother was involved in a boating accident. A young boy was thrown from the boat and killed on impact of some rocks. You may have heard about this in the news. It was a tragic accident and just so sudden. This boy was young. His 15th birthday was in a few weeks. He was bullied in school. The news stories say he was a good, quite kid.

I went home today for dinner with my family. The first thing I noticed when I got home was my sweet, huge, strong little brother in tears. His friend's little brother had died in a car accident. He and some friends were four-wheeling and hit a rough patch in a dirt road going to fast. The Explorer they were in rolled and this young, fifteen year old boy was eject from the car and killed. Two other teenagers are in critical condition. I saw this boy's facebook page today. He was smiling and laughing and goofing off with his friends in the pictures.

My friend's best friend committed suicide a few years ago. My friend has a tattoo in memory of him. My friend, a great guy with a contagious laugh, says that he didn't used to laugh as much as he does now. His friend's death made him realize that life is too short not to laugh.

A boy in my brother's drum line was killed in a motorcycle accident a few years ago. His soccer team had just qualified for the regional championships. He had just performed with the drum line. He was popular. He was on top of the world.

When I was a sophomore my family was rocked by the news of the death of my uncle. He was 27. He was my favorite uncle. I had just spent my summer trip to Utah in his "DJ room" telling him the music that I liked while he showed me all of his DJ lights and tables and gadgets. I have vivid memories of him making me laugh, always including his little niece, and scooping me up in a hug. He had always struggled with his health, but he was SO alive. He played jokes, he dressed up in ridiculous costumes, he did THE BEST impressions (including a spot on Velociraptor). He went to bed feeling ill and didn't wake up in the morning. I still visit his grave and I know that he is still very much involved in my life.

This isn't meant to be depressing... just the opposite actually. These things have all been rolling around in my mind the past few days and I've decided (or re-decided) something.

My friend is right... life is short.

Too short to not spend it laughing.

Too short to not tell your family and friends you love them.

Too short to sit around when there is SO MUCH good to be done.

Too short to stress over things that don't really matter.

Too short to leave the important things until tomorrow.

It's times like these (when an anvil of a wake up call hits and when I can't help but feel the ripples of the pain of loosing a loved one) that I am so grateful for my faith. I am grateful to know that the people we love are waiting on the other side. They are still involved in our lives, and that we can and will see them again.

I am grateful to know that even though this life is filled with difficult, and sometimes painful things, I am meant to be happy. Sometimes it takes the hard reminders of pain and loss to help me realize this fact all over again.

In spite of all those heartbreaking losses I've remembered today, I've had my eyes re-opened to the gift of life, and I feel peace and love and happiness from my Father in Heaven.

Movies Lately

I've spent a lot of time watching movies lately. It turns out I don't have much to do and/or I'm too lazy to do anything else. I've pretty much figured out where every REDBOX is in a 5 mile radius from my house (and probably should just get a Netflix membership).

Since I've watched so many I'm just going to give you a quick run down.

5 -------------------------3------------------------1

<------Loved it ................... Didn't hate it ...................... Ugh... no.------>

(5)

I promise it isn't what you're expecting! Plus who doesn't love a good dose of Matt Damon?

(4)

This might be biased by my love of dance. I bought the soundtrack after seeing it again and have earned a few odd looks from people that have seen me car dancing.... totally all out :)

(3)

It's a good action flick with a twist (even if the twist is a little obvious). Love Diane Kruger and LOVE LOVE LOVE Liam Neeson. He is getting older but he is definitely still hard core.

(5)

I started this movie thinking I'd run it in the background while I did laundry. I got totally sucked in! Johnny Depp does an amazing job (as usual) and it's such a fun, feel-good movie.

(1.75)

It was an interesting twist on the classic story.... but that also made it kind of predictable. The acting was disappointing, and it just wasn't super entertaining.

(3.5)

Excellent acting by Jesse Eisenberg, well the entire cast really (yep, even Justin Timberlake.... ugh his character is such a douche!) Not really a movie to watch for the pure entertainment value, but it's a very interesting story and I can appreciate that in a movie.

(4.5)

OH. WOW. Again, not one to watch for pure entertainment value, but if James Franco can keep me watching a close up of him for and hour and 1/2.... and amazed and slightly grossed out... promise it's worth watching.

(4)

First, I love me some Jake Gyllenhaal. Loved the idea of the movie... kind of a puzzle that they drop enough hints for you to kind of stay ahead of the game with a few big surprises.

(2.25)

Not a total let down... but close. Started off strong then fizzled. Sadly... it's hit and miss with Mr. Cage.

AND I do actually see some movies in theaters!

(5)

I saw this one at midnight so it's slightly foggy but definitely awesome.

(5.5)

Yep, I gave it an extra half a point because I LOVE HARRY POTTER and it's the end of an era!

I cried... 3 times.

Yes, I realize that was a lot of movies. Before you get all worried... I didn't watch them marathon style and did actually watch a fair few of them with other people so I'm not a total hermit/loser.

If anyone has suggestions, please share! And go watch the good ones if you haven't! <3

Hogle Zoo

I decided that since I didn't have plans this Saturday I would take my nephews to the Zoo (with, of course, a lot of help from my mom and brother)

I discovered that it is pretty much impossible to get both of them to pay attention and/or smile for the camera at the same time.

Jake was very excited to see the elephants... This statue was cool... it made sounds and had a perfect Kodak opportunity except for the fact that Jake didn't want to smile because the other kids were looking at him... of course.

Also very excited to ride the carousel, which we got to do for free thanks to a nice man that gave us a punch pass as we came into the zoo.

Round 1: Riding the Giraffe

Real Giraffes

Round 2: Riding the polar bear.

This round wins because the polar bear actually went up and down. We didn't realize the Giraffe didn't when we picked it.

As you can see... he liked the elephants

Zoo-rasic Park.

The dinosaurs were animatronic and even roared and one even spit water.

Kind of dinosaurs...

Collin is pretty much a gorilla :)

Jake taking his turn to measure up

Time to go home. Everyone is hot and tired but we had a TON of fun with the boys! I wish I would have gotten a picture of the boys asleep in the car... didn't take long after pulling out of the parking lot.

I LOVE fun days like this. I love spending time with my family... especially my little, energetic, happy, smiley nephews. They were both SO good and we made some good memories!

My Amazing Mother

I am going to be so bold as to start out my post with the absolute fact that I have THE MOST amazing mother. I will also admit that this is a completely subjective statement and further explain that my mother is the absolute best woman in the world for the job of being MY mother. There are many of you out there that feel the same way about your mothers, I'm sure.

Let me expound on this idea... the idea that my mom is the best person in the world to be my mom. I have met plenty of amazing women, many who have played motherly roles in my life. There have been teachers, managers, friends' mothers, church leaders, etc that have had huge impacts in my life. There are many friends that I can open up to about parts of my life and those I have learned a lot from. Here's the amazing thing... my mom plays all of these amazing roles all at once. My mom is honestly my best friend. Not just the kind of friend that I like to hang out with occasionally. Here's a confession that may tell a little about my relationship with my mom... If you go back the one of the very first posts here on my blog you see that I was VERY excited to move out. There were a lot of factors for making that decision, one of the major ones being that I needed a social life. I only seldom thought I was a loser for staying home EVERY NIGHT. I had to move out of the house so that I would stop hanging out with my mom every night.

I guess I owe it to genetics that we are so much alike, but that isn't universally true with mother/daughter relationships.

I have so much fun with my mom.

We laugh. We make up words. We joke. We do crosswords. We eat lunch in complete silence because we are both "antisocially" reading a book (often at the recommendation of the other). We watch the same movies over and over and still love them. We dance around to oldies. We talk about life. We talk about boys. We talk about hard things. We share opinions. We get excited about the same things. We are both so insanely odd and find ourselves hilarious.

My mom isn't just my friend. She is my mom. There was a point in the past few rough years that my wake up call came and I realized I needed to sort some things out. A huge part of that epiphany was when I saw how far I had pushed my mom away from me. I didn't want to talk to her because I knew if I did, she would be right. She would tell me all the hard things to hear, and she wouldn't be afraid to say them. She is the person I call when I just need to vent and cry, and she will inevitably say something to make me feel better or snap me out of it. I call her when I cook, and to all who have complemented me on my delicious desserts... they are all her recipes. I've had people ask me, surprised, "Where did you learn that?"... UM MY MOM, DUH!

My mom is amazing. She is brave and strong and has taught be how to be the same. She continues to be my therapist, confidant, teacher, and best friend. I couldn't be more grateful.

Love you Mom!

Happy Dance

Okay this going to be short but...

MY CAR IS FINALLY DONE BEING FIXED!!!

It's been almost a month. 14 days in that stupid little Fiat.

I am back in my amazing sister's Hyundai and holy crap.... I forgot how to drive stick!

Happy dance for getting to pick up my car AND that all this headache is finally behind me.

OH um... PS...

I'm selling said awesome car if anyone is interested. It really is in great condition. I've taken good care of it despite my run of bad luck.

Check out the KSL ad.

More happy dance! <3

Summer Is Here

What says SUMMER

better than ....

FRIENDS

you know the kind... the ones that keep you laughing all night.

ROASTING MALLOWS

and eating S'mores... did I mention the mallows were those ginormous ones they sell now? They were almost as big as my face...

I ate 3 of these. Then had to lay down... but it was worth it!

Free

I've always considered myself a pretty patriotic person but I feel like yesterday was a little different for me. I kept having these lightning bolt moments of feeling free and American... I even teared up a few times. Let me share.

On the way up to my parents house, driving with the windows down (as I always do in the summer) I heard over my blasting music "the sound of freedom" as my mom calls it. It was a fly over from Hill AFB probably heading into the valley for a parade. I LOVE the sound of a jet overhead and I've been really lucky to hear it all the time.

Of course there were a few moments at the parade. I was SO proud to see the wave of people standing as the color guard lead the parade with the Stars and Stripes and I was so proud to stand with them.

This isn't an uncommon experience for me, but as the trucks full of veterans came

down the parade route I got tears in my eyes. There was even one old man on the truck "Navy Veterans" who was totally decked out in his obviously old uniform and I was proud to be American because of him. I have such a deep respect for those brave enough to fight and sacrifice for my country. This is a feeling that has grown much deeper as I've come to know some amazing soldiers and their families. I can honestly say I've never met stronger, braver people. I've seen their sacrifice and I am AMAZED.

(Sorry, this is totally random but I LOVE this picture... there are so many generic soldier pictures out there to be Googled but these men, as well as so many others I'm lucky enough to have met, are amazing)

And then there was the BBQ and the fireworks and all of the other festivities. Goofing off, losing at volleyball, eating burgers, watching my brother-in-law show my 3 yr old nephew the fun of lighting fireworks, and being with my family.

I am SO thankful to be American. I am thankful most of all that I can believe what I choose. I am free to pray. I am free to worship where I will. I'm free to share what I believe.

I am free.

Live and Learn

So... remember that post a few back about how I was SO excited to move out and have all those fun "meet new people" "be in a new place" experiences... how about a "I've never EVER done this before and I have no idea what I'm doing". Before you worry...

I had to mow the law for the first time EVER today. My dad doesn't let anyone mow his lawn. Can't really blame him when our lawn is always green and weed free and cut with perfect crisscrossing lines in it. That just means I've never even really touched a lawn mower.

At my new house we each take turns so it isn't so bad. Mow the lawn once every 5 weeks. That'll mean I have to do it what... 2 or 3 times this summer?

It's my turn this weekend and so I called my dad.

"It's my turn to mow."

"Okay, first... start the mower."

"Uh yeah... how?"

I guess it wasn't so bad. Except that I waited until noon so it was hot; the mower is REALLY old and I'm calling BS on the "self propelled" label. Oh and did I mention I have a GINORMOUS back yard.

It's done. I've experienced mowing the lawn.

When I'm grown up and rich... someone else will be mowing my lawn.

Insult to Injury

10 days AFTER my accident I'm finally in a rental car. The other driver's insurance claimed 90% liability. I find that a little ridiculous because they claim that I "should have seen it coming and prevented it". I kind of figured that is why these things are called accidents but... that may just be me. I had a very bad experience with the company so I'm slightly surprised that they even offered 90%. By Monday I was completely frustrated that they couldn't even give me some numbers and let me know what was going on AND that I was still being a hassle to my amazing sister by depriving her of her own car. Thanks to Ellen and Cameron I got to work for a week while waiting for the insurance company's "assessment and investigation."

If my completely unprofessional experience with the other party insurance wasn't insult enough. (Yes, I was literally insulted on the phone) I went and picked up my rental today.

Rental guy: "Let me show you what we're going to put you in. It's a Fiat."

Me: *eye roll and thoughts about how many times I think to myself "who would buy a Fiat" as I passed the billboard on I-15***

***walk outside***

Me: "Really?"

Rental guy: ***laughs***

All day I've had to resist the urge to try and push it over... just to see if I could do it.

Looking On The Bright Side

I really wish that as a follow up on my last post that the bright side of things is that insurance companies are amazing. That I have been taken care of as the victim in yet another accident should be. That my car is all fixed.

I can't.

The insurance company I'm dealing with is by far THE WORST. Ever. I hope none of you ever get in an accident with someone driving a rental. They will make you wait a week (and then some) on a rental for yourself (yeah I don't get that either) and probably call you a liar in the process.

But, we're looking on the bright side!

My sister and brother-in-law have been amazing enough to let me use their car for a week.

My brother-in-law is always the amazing one who fixes my car and didn't hesitate to say he'd help again... then added it is probably time to trade in the Mazda.

I will probably take his advice, and as sad as that makes me because I LOVE MY MAZDA... I'm excited to look at some new options.

I am finally getting settled into my new place. No more boxes in my room and only one left in the living room. Walls, painted. Room, organized. Grocery shopping, done (mostly).

I got a new phone finally... I'm already addicted to my new iPhone and have been going App crazy. (This might be the brightest of my little rays of sunshine!)

I've realized how much closer I am to my best friend Colbilyn, and last night had our first "I'm bored an have no energy, what are you doing?" movie nights since freshman year.

Literal bright side... SUMMER IS FINALLY HERE!

I really could go on and on. It's been a pretty crappy week, but... There's almost always a bright side. Or at least a few rays of sunshine. :)