Bitter Sweet Goodbyes

I like to think I'm pretty honest when I write my blog posts. I'm maybe not the most forthcoming, but really the entire internet doesn't need to know all the details of my life. That'd just be weird. Anyways, what I'm getting at is that I think I've expressed fairly often that the past few years have been full of change, hurt, healing, and growth. Over all, pretty normal for any human being. It hasn't been easy. I've seen a lot of ups and downs. I've been heartbroken, hopeless, sad, ashamed, and a whole list of depressing, but fairly common emotions. Along with those hard things, I've be happy. I've been in love. I've been loved. I've felt hope. I've made good memories. I've met and come to know some AMAZING people.

Some of the most important men in my life the past few years have been two wonderful bishops. (Dad, if you are reading this, you are still THE most important man in my life!) These two men have taught me and loved me. They gave me hope and encouraged me to move forward with life. They have been there in my hardest times. I have talked, and cried, and laughed with them both. Through them I have felt the love that my Father in Heaven has for me, and I have come to know my Savior better through their example. I could go on and on. There are so many good memories, words of wisdom, and lessons learned.

On May 1 Bishop Murray will be released and Bishop Crosland will no longer be my bishop. I'll say again that I am excited to see what these big changes will bring, but as I said goodbye to them and the bishopric tonight I was blessed to see, with great clarity, how fortunate I have been to know them. I cannot express how grateful I am.

Thank you Bishop Crosland and Bishop Murray! I love you both so much!

In thinking about this, I realize how often there are people that come into our lives, even for a short time that make HUGE impacts. There are those who we love, we connect with, and then we have to move on to other things. We give a little of ourselves and we take little pieces of others with us. I am so grateful for the little pieces I have been given! Part of the "Ups" I have had the past few years are the people who have come into my life and who have shared themselves with me. There is quite the list of people that have come and gone, some only part of my life for a very short time, and many to whom it was VERY hard to say goodbye to. There is a bigger list of memories and moments of love and growth that with time, instead of fading, will only mean more to me and will continue to become a part of who I am. Because of these amazing friends I am better and stronger.

Getting Into the Swing of Things

WARNING: This is yet another post about my new job. :)

I'm finally out of "training mode" at the office and I've really loved the opportunity to do some things on my own. I think I've done this a lot lately but... I'm going to toot my own horn. I really don't think they expected me to just pick things right up and dive in. Our system at work is status based so almost everyone works off of a generated "que". I've been working on some backlogged accounts that need documents attached so they can be submitted to court for default judgement. When I started working yesterday my que consisted of 600+ accounts that needed to be reviewed and have the proper documents attached... the end of today... done! Ha! I'm excited to see what I'll get to work on over the next few weeks.

Friday was court day, as I mentioned, and it went really well. It was a little intimidating at first, but the feeling of "oh wow, I have a career" really hit me when I walked into the court house looking all professional (briefcase included!)

What I've loved the most is getting to interact with some new people. I'm slowly coming out of my shell, and while a lot of my day is spent working on a computer jamming out with headphones in, I really love the office dynamic. There are just so many people to get to know and to work with. I had the typical "Oh, crap I'm the new girl" moment in the break room my first week during lunch, and, instead of a scene from a high school nightmare, someone waved me over to a full table, scooted around to make room for me, and promptly bombarded me with questions.

I'm not a huge fan of the 40 minute commute so there will probably be a move in the near future, but I'm making the best of it. I decided that on my morning drive I wanted to listen to the Book of Mormon. I had NO IDEA that you can download the MP3 from the church website for free! I had to clear off a little room from my iPod but I've LOVED it. I'm not really one for reading out loud and when I do from the scriptures I completely fail at including any inflection and emphasis. I love how listening to the scriptures makes them more of a story. It isn't the same as looking at the words and underlining and cross referencing, but there is DEFINITELY something to be gained from listening (the guy that reads it has the perfect voice for it!)

In other spiritual type news... If you've heard about the big "historical" change the church is making with YSA/Student wards along the Wasatch front, I'm going to be a part of that and I'm actually really excited. I'm sad to say goodbye to some of my ward friends from Bountiful, but it seems like it will be a really awesome change. Plus I'm hoping it will help me get involved in my ward better. I've struggled a bit after my ward change. The 13th ward is HUGE and it's easy to let yourself get lost and blend in. I'm also excited that my little brother, Tyler, has been coming to church with me. He makes a great church buddy... it's so much easier when there is someone there with you... and I love being able to spend time with him.

All in all... those scary changes I decided to make are looking a lot less intimidating from the flip side. (For any of you reading this that listened to President Dunn on Sunday... I think, metaphorically, it's a lot like that).

<3

... And A New Beginning

I have officially been a paralegal for 3 days. It has been totally weird to have my supervisor introduce me as "Jessica, our new paralegal".That just sounds so officially awesome. I feel super hardcore that I have a name badge/key card on a zippy belt clip, and finally have a desk assignment so I get to start moving myself in over the next few days.
I also wrapped up my class this past weekend and it has felt really good to not worry about what homework needs to be done when I get home from work. To those who are wondering... I got an A (both on my final paper and in the class overall). I'm debating hanging my diploma from Weber and my Paralegal Certificate in my cubicle. Is that bragging?
Anyways, the new job has been great so far and only a little overwhelming. It has been good to find that everyone is excited for me to be there. I'll be working with a lady named Jen. She has been training me this week on preparing certain court documents and it has been a lot to take in but will be great while I help her catch up. All of this practice will help me prepare for whatever else they have in store for me. I'll also be helping a lady named Fermina keep track of our court calendar and have my first court trip on Friday! I'm super excited about that (as you can probably tell). It will be a great experience to be in the court room and interacting with the attorneys. Before you get all these law and order scenes running through your head... I'll pretty much just be handing the attorney his notes at the supplemental hearings. I work in collections law... criminal law to come later :)
I had some worries and reservations about this job and what it would mean for me, but I am really excited to see where this goes. I'm loving the busy office environment. There are so many really friendly people to get to know and it turns out there are lots of office party/outings/activities that go on, and that's another new experience I'm looking forward to. Here's hoping I can make it through the rest of the week without being totally overwhelmed!

The End....

... more like "Next Chapter". Except usually when I finish a chapter in a book I'm reading I'm not terrified to turn the page.

Today was my last day at Burt Brothers. I've been there for 2 1/2 years. I walked out the door today without a second thought. My desk was all generic again. I said my goodbyes. And just walked out. 95% of the people working for Burt Brothers, that I talk to on a daily basis, have no idea that I won't walk right back in first thing Monday morning. I know I've indulged in some whining the past few posts, but I'm sad! And scared. I came home, took a wonderful nap, and BAM! Reality is starting to sink in.

I'm not sure what I'm afraid of... it's just a new job. Maybe it's the fact that I'm working on my final paper for my class, getting a job in the field that I've been doing all of this homework for, and saying goodbye to the "standby" job. Probably doesn't help that my birthday is next week and 24 sounds a lot older than 23 in my head. When did I grow up?! I'm just a kid right? Nope. I have a career (granted this is step 1 of said career, but it still counts). I have a degree. Okay I've had that one for awhile, but I wasn't actually using it and in a week I'll have a professional certificate on top of that. I know a move is in the future and I'm tempted to just erase that one from the list because if I live with my parents I'm not really an adult yet right?

In all honesty, change just kind of freaks me out. I'm indulging myself a little in a childish tantrum here... I realize that. Forgive me, I'm just trying to hold on to that "I'm not an adult" feeling.

One Week Down

Not to toot my own horn or anything... but I'm a pretty good worker. For the past 2 1/2 years I've done one of the most monotonous jobs ever invented, and honestly, I didn't really mind. It was dull but I got a lot of "reading" in with audiobooks and I'm pretty good at entertaining myself. This past week my motivation just disappeared. Apparently knowing that you won't have to do the most monotonous job ever invented for much longer just makes it that much more tedious. In spite of that fact, I think I got a fair amount of work done. My productivity slipped, but only a bit, and I still feel the anxiety of getting everything done.

I have 5 days left and its going to be a LONG 5 days! Then I'm off to being the new girl in the end cubicle. That's right, I'll have a cubicle... I just hope they let me decorate it and listen to my iPod. I'm excited for new things to happen in my life and I'm only a little sick of waiting :)

All You Can Do Is Move Forward

I guess the number of posts I'm compelled to write is the best indicator that my life is in a phase of upheaval (wow, I actually used that word... self pitty much?). My first reaction to all of this change is something along the lines of whining, curling up in a ball, pulling the covers up around my head, and screaming into a pillow. You can only do that for so long before you get really stiff, hot, and a scratchy throat to top it off... so here I am trying to have the courage to take the big leaps of faith that absolutely terrify me. I am so grateful for the messages of General Conference. It still amazes me that during every conference there is at least one (usually more) message that hits the nail right on the head... the not so subtle hint that the Lord is listening to my prayers. I'm helped along by some reflection of the past few weeks and I can now see the puzzle pieces fit together with a little bit more perspective. A lot of little things have been a let down and now I see them as the Lord clearing a path for me to more easily make a bigger decision.
I wish I were, at this very moment, working on getting settled into a new apartment with a great friend. I wish I were still patiently waiting for an amazing man to come home and ready to move forward and see where a promising relationship would go. I wish I were comfortably bored at work instead of finally making some changes and feeling the motivation to move forward.
This past weekend I was offered a job as a paralegal (see all my whiney posts about homework and you'll see that's kind of a big deal). It is a really great opportunity and I look at everything that has happened over the past few weeks and I can clearly see that Heavenly Father has cleared away the anchors that I would use as excuses hold me back. I'm still wobbly on my decision to jump off this cliff and leave a stable job that I am very comfortable doing, but (perhaps because of the recent events) my motto lately has become "All you can do is move forward". At the same time I kind of hate that motto... IT'S HARD!!! And it's terrifying... and yet I'm trying.
Wish me luck... I am cutting yet another safety rope tomorrow.