So I've had a lot to think about lately and in the past whenever I've had too many thoughts in my head I always feel better after I write it all out so here I go.
I feel like I'm stuck. Not in a bad way, just stuck. I get that way sometimes. I'm not talking about that place you're in because you choose not to make an obvious choice, I'm talking about that place where you sometimes have to look around and go "Okay, what now?" I haven't had too many times like this in my life and so I can't really say that I know how to handle it. And this stuck is a little different than the other times I've felt this way. In the past this feeling was usually accompanied by huge amounts of stubborn determination on my part and very little real confusion. For example, about six months ago I had just finished my Associates at Weber and was still working in a job I hated. I didn't really have any friends or social life and it was because I flat out refused to go to a Singles Ward. Don't ask me why, but going to a Singles Ward was a HUGE deal for me. Hannah finally twisted my arm enough and I had my records transferred. Then they put me in the Relief Society presidency. Obviously that was supposed to be my next step. I found a new job with better hours and better pay. I've gotten (slightly) more involved in my singles ward. Met new people, bought a new car, and grown quite a bit (if I do say so myself).
Now here I am with indecision again, but this time there isn't any stubbornness involved and I'm not sure which situation I prefer.
I've always been the type of person that visualizes life as a path and my biggest problem is that I want to know what is at the end of each road. Like those "you pick the ending" books that I was really into when I was younger. I never could just let my first choice be. I would pick, read on, decide I didn't like where the story was going, and go back to the point where I could change that. I always kept my finger in the crucial page.
Too bad life doesn't work that way.
Maybe instead of stubborn, I'm just scared. Life is so much harder to fix if you decide you don't like the way its going!
That's where I am right now, a crossroads, the bottom of a page telling me to pick what I would do. I'm just standing there staring down the road, staring at the line "turn to page 34 OR turn to page 109". I'm scared of that next step and staring around at people walking past and thinking "See, it can't be that hard." I'm really wanting someone to grab my hand, shoot me a knowing smile, and help me take that step forward.
Of course there's that part of me (however small) that is standing off to the side, head shaking, and trying not to yell "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! JUST MOVE ALREADY. Can't you see it's obvioius?"
I know I'll get there eventually, but for now, I just feel stuck.
