I complain quite frequently. I just like to whine. I find it cleansing.
Most of the time I whine about my emotional problems, struggles, moods, etc etc.... As you well know if you frequent my blog.
It's quite the opposite when it comes to physical pain. Idk what it is but pain just doesn't matter to me. It is something that can be pushed through and dealt with. Oh sure I whine about it (we've covered this already) but I don't ever really do much about it. I just push on through. I learned that pretty early. I injured my knee at 11 and found myself scooting on my butt down the stairs. I hated having to do that and give in to that. Ever since then I just don't mention my knee much. I joke about it aching when it rains (which it actually does) and you may occasionally see me walk with a slight limp, but it isn't worth mentioning really. It isn't interesting and it's slightly embarrassing for me to admit when pain is getting the better of me. But here I go....
This time it's my arm, not my knee (my goodness I'm falling apart!) I've done my best to ignore it. Mostly because I dislike doctors. A doctor's visit just feels like sitting next to the kid that likes to poke bruises. "Does this hurt?" "UM YEAH! HELLO! I just told you that hurts!" I finally went to the doctor about a year ago for this arm issue. It's kind of a big deal when your fingers are tingly all the time right? And when the tingle turns to an ache... and that ache travels up your arm... then wakes you up at night... and forces you to wear an embarrassing brace to work just to make it through the day... yep, it's time to suck it up and see the doctor.
Last time he put me on a monster anti-inflammatory and it worked really well for awhile. I was hoping for something along the same lines. Nope, not this time. "Keep doing what you're doing to treat it non-invasively. Anti-inflammatories have their own set of issues, so take something only when you feel like you need it. When it gets to the point that you can't stand it any more, it's a simple enough surgery."
In my head I'm thinking... duh I can't stand it any more. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE! Oh.... crap....
Obviously there is no rush or emergency in this. I convince myself that I can avoid that route a few times a day... then the tingly turned burning aching comes back and... Oh... crap.
I guess they're going to get to cut me open after all. I'm terrified. Having nightmares terrified.
Slightly paranoid + already hurting + total chicken =/= Good happy thoughts.
Not sure when this will be happening but I've pretty much decided that it will be eventually... probably soon.
Any encouragement or reassurance would be appreciated.
<3
1 comment:
Jessica, you are going to be just fine! I had to have surgery on my ankle, and I was super nervous about it because ya know...I like to walk when I need to. My ankle is so much better now that I have had that surgery. If it is fixing that needs to be done for your arm, it will definitely be worth it! No worries!!
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